Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
