Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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