You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
