I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
