I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
