I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
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That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
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The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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