we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
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