this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
