i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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