u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
