Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
