What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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