I wish I could teleport
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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