There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
We need to feng shui this bitch.
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