he was CRYING into my vagina
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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