I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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