What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
