What a fucking waste of an outfit
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
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