Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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