I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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