At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Randomize
