You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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