this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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