Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
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