.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
