I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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