You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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