ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
