Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
