A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
