I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
dude i'm inner monologue high
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
