Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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