Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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