do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
