My nipple is on Facebook.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
