That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
