you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
