Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Welp...herpes.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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