We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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