Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
