I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
