I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
