can u get pink eye on your cock?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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