it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Randomize
