happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
