I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
