Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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