Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
