He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
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