That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
