how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
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