I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
