White coat. Heels.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
