just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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