First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I'm experimenting with sincerity
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
