thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
