chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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