my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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