i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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