Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Randomize
