by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
