i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I need to sanitize my soul.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
