my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
