I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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