If that was your dad, he is hot
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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