apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
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