don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
