I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
