I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
