Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
