You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
